It’s time to resign ourselves to the inevitable. This election isn’t going anywhere for a long time yet. They’re going to keep counting at a syrupy pace for days, perhaps weeks. Pasting our eyeballs on the screen like a pair of fried eggs, pools of drool collecting at our feet, isn’t going to make it go any quicker nor will it affect the outcome to the favor or disfavor of anyone’s hopes.
By the way, in case you were laboring under the misapprehension that this is an ordinary election, there was a Hindu group in India committing a magic ritual to spur Donald Trump’s election luck:
The smear drawn on his forehead in that picture is not a bullet hole, I want to clarify. It’s a bindi, a decorative dot traditionally worn by Hindus to signify unity with the cosmos. Hindu practice is clear on this matter.
Anyway, since we’re all in election day (Groundhog Day) purgatory, it’s time to find some geeky diversions that are guaranteed to soak up time while we wait. For those of you outside the US, feel free to join in, because the second-most perilous thing to living under US domestic policy is living under US foreign policy.
Play Among Us at home
Among Us is the latest viral game to take the Internet by storm. This simple game about a spaceship crew where one impostor may pick off the rest of the crew or be found out is the perfect diversion for a time like this. It inspires just enough paranoia and isolation to fit our real-life theme of waiting out a contested election while shut up at home during COVID-19. Hey, wait a minute, you also don’t know who’s infected when you go out in public, so that makes COVID-deniers kind of like impostors…
Master Rubick’s Cube again
The Rubick’s Cube launched in the US in 1980, which makes this just about the 40th anniversary of this worldwide handheld puzzle classic. In fact, we’re coming into the 40th anniversary of everything from the ’80s, which is one bright spot about the 2020s, because so much of geek culture spawns from the golden age of pop culture. A million other hand-held puzzles descended from the Cube craze, but perhaps the oddest spin-off was the cartoon series Rubik, the Amazing Cube, with a sentient, talking puzzle, or perhaps a little blue gremlin possessing a normal plastic puzzle, it wasn’t made clear. View the intro before you call me crazy.
Revive the V for Vendetta cult
The whole Anonymous mask motif is now on its first wave of nostalgia, which makes it the perfect time to adopt this doubly-sardonic social commentary now that we’re all required to be masked in public. The graphic novel series V for Vendetta was originally published from 1982 to 1989, so that continues our 40th anniversary ’80s nostalgia kick anyway. Creator Alan Moore, who ironically is far too shaggy of face to fit into his own mask, has given us the canon that “V is exactly what he looks like: he’s an idea, with a mask and a hat and a cloak. He’s much more symbol than reality.”
Try to mount this XBox caddy on your wall
Ha! Thought you’d get away with playing on your new XBox all month without a new challenge, eh? Let’s see you put down the controller for a minute and master some manual dexterity skills! You might even need an analogue tool such as a screwdriver. Flat-head or Phillips? Can you find a wall stud? Just to make the challenge fair, I’ll throw in this hint: righty-tighty, lefty loosey. After you manage to accomplish this engineering feat, you will of course have a less cluttered snack table and a swankier battlestation from which to resume exploration of your latest XBox.
Start a creepy shrine to Anderson Cooper
The Coopmeister was already a hot celebrity on the news circuit, even hosting New Years’ Eve parties at Times Square. That was before his newly adopted son made him media’s most adorable dad, and well before his most recent quote about Donald Trump’s graceless attitude during the election made him a viral hit. But what I really find amazing is noted homophobe Rick Santorum sharing a newsroom with the famously out Cooper. Cooper, if you’re reading, we dare you to sneak up behind Ricky and give him a wet willy right in his bigoted ear!
Marshall your own Star Wars Lego clone army
We’ve mentioned before, Star Wars and Lego are two pop culture hits that go great together. This set gives you ten figs, perfect for adding some convincing Imperial numbers to your Star Wars Lego dioramas. This is also the perfect timing to celebrate the Disney+ release of the Lego Star Wars Holiday Special. You know I couldn’t pass that up, not after me being the only person on the Internet to defend the original show.
Well, that’s about all that’s hot in the world for geeky distractions right now. We leave you at the mercy of the political news media-blender. By the way, those Hindu magicians back there, you know those guys were fixing the hoodoo for the 2016 election, right? Here’s who Trump has to perform magic ritual services to fix his 2020 election:
I like her hand motions. Spank me harder, mommy!