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Bernie Buys All of Your GameStop : A Merch Post

Bernie_Sanders_and_the_Big_Short_Squeeze

There are some weeks when I can keep my head down and concentrate on our usual geek pursuits here at Casa de Poindexter. There are times when I have my whole schedule planned out: a game I’m playing, an anime I’m noshing in little binges on Netflix, a list of science fiction novelists I read as a kid and didn’t realize what gross perverts they were until adulthood. Robert A. Heinlein is responsible for several of my fetishes now, but I can’t discuss it here.

Perhaps I could have used a Twitter debate I just had here, about the prospects of David Lynch directing a Kurt Vonnegut adaptation:

But oh no, no room for that today. The Internet, and the Zoomers frolicking upon it, are just too playful to pay attention to us dusty old book people. No, it’s meme time!


Bernie Sanders Inauguration day refrigerator magnet

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So there we were on president Joe Biden’s inauguration day, January 20th, 2021. Along with the inauguration of Our Regal Queen Kamala Harris in the office of vice president, for now. And who should we behold sitting like the Rock of Gibraltar but Bernie Sanders? Senator Sanders also ran for prez this election, but he did not take the Democratic nomination, because he would not have had the good taste to pick Our Regal Queen Kamala Harris as his running mate. So he sat there. Burning with Bernie-ness.

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CURRENT MOOD, Bernie, Inauguration, Bernie Sanders Mug

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There was something captivating about Bernie that day. How he social distanced, but did so with supreme disdain for the general world at the moment. How he wore his COVID mask, properly over the nose, but still cockeyed like “to hell with it.” How he wore the same overcoat he’s been wearing through three general elections now. His hunched pose, which said, “I am here and I am participating as I am obligated to do, but I would rather be surfing the Bahamas in a pair of blue pajamas.” But. He is here. Happy now?

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Bernie Sander’s Mittens and Hat Crochet Pattern

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Upon his magical elvish hands were the most wondrous mittens. It was cold out that day in Washington D.C., to be fair (why couldn’t they have the capitol in someplace like San Dimas?). But the mittens were epic. They practically deserved costar billing. You could hear the mittens softly playing the theme to Curb Your Enthusiasm right through the phone screen. The mittens said “we got through that January 6th thing where Bullwinkle Moose’s retarded cousin tried to take over the country, just so I can freeze my tochus on this metal chair. Get on with it!”

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WallSteetBets Commemorative GameStop GME PVC Patch

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Then suddenly, GAME STOP! See, Bernie’s fans are the, ah, Marx-ish sort, so they get so angry at Wall Street fat cats, and Bernie gets angry at Wall Street fat cats too. So seeing their glorious almost-leader Bernie inspired them (as we have all agreed to tell our grandkids) to go on stock day-trading adventures where they bought up all the GameStop stock. This wasn’t just a random stock. It was the target of short-sellers. Don’t ask me, it’s more Wall Street buffoonery, like when they ring that silly bell every day.

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GameStonk!! GameStop Elon Musk Stock Cap

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Well! Let me tell you, Wall Street guys with their stovepipe hats got in a proper “harumph!” about these kids playing in their stock market playground, especially since the day-trader pirates from Planet Reddit were costing them a couple yachts by now. But the buy-out continued, spurred on by tweets from Elon Musk, just when you thought this story couldn’t get any weirder. And when the Wall Street goons stamped their foot on the stock and stopped it selling, Reddit pirates turned to other stocks and started buying all those too.

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Billionaire Tears mug

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So it’s a special meme day post, because both of these are going to stick around for a while. Come on, Bernie memes haven’t left the Internet since he ran against Clinton! As for the GameStop stonks [sic], This is an historic day that is going to have fallout for a while. Because we just saw something fundamental change in the stock market today and it’s never going back like it was again, just like you can’t unseat Bernie from that chair on January 20th. Because his ass is still frozen to it.

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About that GameStop stock fiasco…

Oh, back a while, I wrote about GameStop. I wrote two stupid things that day. I wrote “Flash will never die, they’ve been trying to kill it for 20 years!” and then weeks later, it went poof. And then of course, on topic, I wrote about GameStop being almost dead. It _was_ almost dead, which is what made it the target of short-selling. Of course now, it’s valued enough that GameStop could buy out Microsoft or something. By the way, anybody think what happens when the Russians see how easily a few day-trading mongrels can crash the US stock market? I’m certainly not looking at it. I have to explain what short-selling is.

Tournament champion Among Us player AOC weighing in:

AOC_on_gamestop

OK, what the furry fetish is really going on? Bigger and better explanation by a Redditor here.

Short-selling a stock: Apparently, sleazy Wall Street rules let you simply borrow a stock and then sell it whenever the hell you please. My guess is that Wall Street Boomers of the 70s set the example by swapping wives. Anyway, you can take a stock you don’t own, sell it at its current price, then later when the price drops (you know that it will) you pay the person you borrowed the stock from at the later value.

Yeah, it doesn’t make any more sense when you explain it. If you were wondering if Wall Street people came up with these rules while snorting coke, now you know why they have those tattoos of little vacuum cleaners on their noses.

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